Depressed, even in sleep...

So... lately I've been having this Knot in the middle of my throat and this super random anxiety attacks. this are no good and i think im just keeping so much inside and its not healthy, but i know no other way to live. Like, i would love to go on with my life saying to people faces what I think of them and how I really feel with different situations. Its not easy and i don't think i can do it, I'm what is called a "cold" person, why? i simply don't know but i find it hard talking about personal issues with about anyone, not even my family or what i call some of my closest friends, i just don't think it's worth it to let a person who is really me and see me open like a book, i don't even like whats inside of most of the time so i wonder how could other people who barely know me really understand how i feel when i don't even know myself. it's so complicated and nerve racking. and i just feel like shit. this days are those kind, the kind where you feel like something is very wrong and even if it is about a person or a situation you don't feel like you have an opinion about it or a choice but to suck it up. At least this is the case, and it is jus so frustrating and i'm not kidding when i say i feel like shit inside and so desperate, and confused for not just saying depressed. And what can i do? NOTHING! absolutely nothing but to find ways to distract myself so i don't think about the issue or i just try to convince myself is not there. lately i've been sleeping a lot , because sleeping is nice... well after the terrifying 20 minutes before when you can't think of nothing else but that. but after that comes the nice part where you fall asleep and forget everything for a little while. But i think i have a bigger problem now because today when i tried to sleep to forget about everything i ended up dreaming about the problem instead of forgetting. it was just so painful and the worse part was i couldn't woke up not before i couldn't take it anymore. And since that i haven't been able to forget this thing in my gut and the knot in my throat. it is just depressing.